Disclaimer: My emotions leading up to this trip have been somewhat mixed, ever since we planned to go to Europe this January. I thought it would be interesting to capture those emotions now, so that when we get back in a few weeks, I can look back and wonder what in the world was I feeling.
It's 2 days before the big day! Well at least it should feel like a big day right?
I've been having a hard time wrapping my head around this trip. It's been hard even to get really excited. I'm not sure what it is. The lead up to Friday has been incredibly busy, even looking back for the last 3 weeks. Possibly being in a frantic rush every day hasn't allowed me to get pumped up for Europe. I keep worrying that I'm jaded. That this trip just doesn't mean much because I have already been twice. Maybe it's just that many of the unknowns that terrified and excited me on the first two trips, are now old hat due to me becoming a more seasoned traveler. I sure hope that is part of it. However, as I write this I'm beginning to get a sense of what is really going on. Guilt. I feel guilty that I'm taking this much time from work. I feel guilty that we are spending a few thousand dollars on a "once in a life time trip" that I am now taking for the 3rd time. I feel guilty that the people we work with have to sit by, yet again, while I'm lucky enough to leave for 2 weeks. And I feel guilty that I'm not as excited as lots of other people would be if they were going! What is the deal? Guilt is a powerful thing apparently.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not ungrateful for any of it! I'm grateful our work allows us to take this time. I'm grateful we are fortunate enough to afford a backpack style trip through the ancient history of Europe.
My hunch is that, as soon as we are there, all these dole drum feeling will go away, but it certainly is strong in this moment.
How's that to the start of a trip???